oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
This is my gift to your gina
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
