you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
your room smells of hookers.
And success
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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