Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
