Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Idk if I want to put a bra on
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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