Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
