drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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