My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
