i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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