Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He felt like a one man threesome
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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