you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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