Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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