So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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