I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
