i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
