it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
