Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
