everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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