I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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