I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
