she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
