You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
