Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
