I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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