Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
