Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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