whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
