Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
