Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
