i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
