i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
