did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
