At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
