One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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