ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
