Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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