im about as happy as oj after his trial
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
