At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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