Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
