I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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