My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
dude. I can hear the air.
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