nut hugger
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
