HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
nutella sex= disaster
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
