I hate all girls vehemently.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
