last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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