I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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