Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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