my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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