Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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