Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
