Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
