I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Couch. On fire.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
