I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
