I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Blood and glitter go together right?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
